rebecca has my suitcase. she wants to give it back to me. i want to take it back from her. the clothes that were in it are now sitting in displaced piles in various stations of my recently cleaned room.

so the other night... when i arguably should have been asleep, i went roaming through my ancient xanga entries. i always say i hate reading old stuff on this site, but... i'd forgotten how much i updated freshman year! i literally sat in my room at 4am laughing like a cretin at-- basically-- myself. to be honest, it was the crown of one of the most anticlimactic friday evenings of all time, but i enjoyed myself soooo much. coming face to face with the past can be a freakish experience, but it's been a hobby of mine since those 3hr long phone conversations with selina when i was still wearing like velcro shoes.

it was strange to suddenly hearken back to those fateful freshman days. it was also a little embarrassing... like... those poems i posted way back when really stank hardcore. yet... oh, for the days when papers were done at least 4 am the morning of! also a little odd to revisit the progression of my relationship with christina... i remember now removing the link to my xanga from my profile because i was afraid she'd read it. since then i've solidified this story that i tell everyone about my freshman year roommate, but golly jeepers it was actually more complicated than that.

this is why i update: so that i don't forget about the important things that nobody cares about. there are so many of those ridiculous little details that you expect to lose track of over time and wish you wouldn't because they were so monumental for [at least] a split-second of your busy life. like the unilemming. i thought i'd die when i remembered the unilemming. and lucius, the composite stalker that corey and i invented for alice freshman year, and who came to life and sent game spiralling out of our control. and yatta... which i looked up and watched, by the way... and the jerk who consistently ate the chinese food i put in the fridge, saturday after saturday.

i'm glad to see now that my obsessive cataloging isn't all for nought. it's true that these moments are going to be so valuable in a few years that it's savoring every part of them now, the better to preserve them for the long haul. the photos, quotes, and stories that i've been accumulating are my treasures.

you know the aliens in slaughterhouse 5... who see everything as an agglomerates of past, present, and future? don't you think we'd understand more about the world if we could at least think that way?

hey by the way... WHERE IS EVERYBODY???